2018 - The year I fell in love with life through music

2018 started in a pretty shitty way for me.

My fiancée of 3 years told me at 12:20 am on January 1st that it was over, I later learned that she'd met someone else (something she denied at the time and again after), but that's irrelevant now.

Fact is I was on my own again.

I had to put on a brave face and for a long time I really struggled with being single again. I thought that she was the one.

I threw myself into online dating thinking that being in another relationship would be the best thing for me, that it would be the best tonic to fix my malaise.

If you're reading this and you've experienced online dating I imagine that you've had a few bad experiences, maybe you've been lucky.

As a trans lesbian let's just say the dating pool is more of a puddle and so the chances of finding someone is a little more challenging than it is for others.

Whilst I maintain my online profile on one site (you've got to have one option right), on the whole I've given up.... too many bad experiences and weirdos have taught me that it's going to be like finding a drop in an ocean.

But whilst all of this I depressing I'm not done yet........

I've made a concerted effort to go to many gigs on my own this year and I also attended my first festival on my own.

Music has always been a big passion of mine and I played the violin, trumpet and drums at school as well as the guitar now.

I've seen over 50 bands and artists last year from Ray Lamontagne, Jessie J and Wolf Alice to Years & Years, Christine & The Queens and Sigrid.

Going to gigs and being around fellow music lovers has reminded me the most important thing, when it comes to being happy and fulfilled in life.

It's about getting go and being in the moment.

In the last 12 months of gigging, I've had so many wonderful moments with people who before then were compete strangers and perhaps they will remain the same.

I've held someone who was sobbing her heart out to a song that meant so much to her, talked about gender identity and sexuality in correlation to faith with a young trans man who's family couldn't accept him, and I've also been taught how to shown how to salsa.

Some of these people I've remained in contact with, others I haven't.

The fact is though that remembering the reason you're in a situation, experiencing every minute of it and enjoying the whole process has made me remember that the parallels are their to be drawn for our lives as well.

The next time you're stressing about why you're not with someone, or something is not working out as you want it to you have to remember that this is meant to happen now.

It's all part of this great gig called life - learn to dance and sing in the rain as well as the sunshine.

Your time will come - just enjoy it. x x